Nardwuar: Who are you?
Lydia: I'm Lydia Lunch.

And who are you?
Exene: I'm Exene Cervenka.

Hello, Exene, it's a pleasure to see you here. I didn't think you'd be here.
Exene: Why?

I don't know, I just didn't think you'd be here. It's a pleasure to see you, Lydia Lunch.
L: Hmm. Thank you.

Now, Exene, does anybody ever get Lydia confused with Lena Lovich?
E: No, I think they get Courtney Love confused with Lena Lovich, don't they?

Like, Lydia Lunch - Lena Lovich. Any comparison?
E: Next question.
L: I see no comparison.

Right now you're very hungry, right?
L: Well, that doesn't matter. I'm hungry for an intelligent conversation, which I've yet to find.

I do like that record you have, where it says "I did Lunch".
L: You need to read up again, it's Lydia Lunch.

No, but, the way you wrote it, the way the poster said, it was, like, "I did Lunch", you know that poster I'm talking about.
L: Yeah, yeah. I do. You're incorrect, though, you need to go back to Hieroglyphics 101.

Lydia Lunch, do you still want to commit suicide?
L: I never wanted to commit suicide, but I'm always ready for murder.

Exene?
E: What?

Do you still want to commit suicide?
E: Oh, I never did. When?

Who are the Paley brothers?
L What does it matter? Two hot young fucks from Boston.

Now Lydia, did Jonalnon Paley once pay to have sex with you, or did you once pay to have sex with him?
L: No neither, neither, nor.

Well, according to this Ben is Dead magazine, this little article there, it says the Paley brothers-
L: Look, anyone that can remember back 17 years has a better memory than 1, right? So if you want to interview Jonathon Paley, maybe you should do that.

Well, I was just looking at this article and it said, "Lydia -"
L: It's so irrelevant.

Well, this is a new magazine you were interviewed for yourself.
L: Yeah, it was, so what - I guess you believe everything you read.

In the interview it said, " Lydia would say, 'Jonathon, please come home and fuck me'." And he also whipped you. And I'm trying to give you a chance to get back at those homeboys. What is going on there?
L: There's no reason to get back at him, it's 17 fucking years ago, and it doesn't mean diddleyshit to me, friend.

So you have no recollection of it, or no interest in it, and you never ever want it brought up again.
L: I don't give a shit. It's your fetish, not mine.

OK, I will adhere to your rules. Now, are you aware of some of Lydia's recordings with Blixa Bargeld at all, Exene.
L: Some? There was one.
E: Oh, a little.

The Thirsty Animal release. There's a bit of screaming there at the end. Now, the rumour was that Blixa was tied up and whipped with chains what's going on there?
L: He probably was, but I think it was Mufti that was whipping him with chains, since I couldn't really come five feet within his aural zone, because the man stunk of rotted fruit and vegetables so much, maybe it was from never changing his rubber pants, I'm not sure.

You don't like the past, do you, Lydia?
L: I live in the future, and the present.

Exene, you like the past.
E: I like parts of it.

You went out with Stiv Baters, right Lydia?
L: I went in and out with Stiv Baders many times, I never went out with him.

Does it annoy you that a lot of people who worship the Dead Boys, does that bug you, that a lot of people worship them? I mean, the Dead Boys, man, the Dead Boys' Stiv.
L: Hey, the Dead Boys still fucking rule, and that one of them's dead is even better.

Were you at all interested in any of those New York bands?
L: Like?

Like the Dictators or the Kiss, or those type of rock 'n' rollers?
L: Kiss?

Yeah, Kiss, they're straight out of New York.
L: Jersey, I think.

You never had any run-ins with them in the early days?
L: Sure, I had run-ins with all of 'em. I ran into almost every hot man in New York in the late '70s - would you like a fucking encyclopaedia listing of everyone who I've fucked? You can't have all night.

Who has that book, Wilt?
L: What book?

Wilt.
L: Wilt what?

Wilt.
L: I don't know what you-

Wilt Chamberlain's book - do you have that in the type of form that Wilt does?
L: I'm afraid not.

Now, at the same time, Exene - were you at the same time, were you 1977? Is that year - 1977 - is that you?
E: No, it's not.

Why did Belinda Carlisle end up marrying a Republican?
E: Because she's a Republican, I guess.

Lydia?
L: I guess - I don't know. You know, we're very entertained, but you have to get to something that we care about.

OK - the Cramps - please, Lydia, the Cramps. Brian Gregory - the Cramps.
L: What about Brian Gregory?

Do you ever correspond with him anymore?
L: I haven't seen him in 15 years.

You don't know what he's doing?
L: Nah, I think he's rotting and probably trying to overcome his flesh-orientated amoebic infestations.

'Cause Eight-Eyed Spy kind of had some neat tunes, didn't they - you know, "diddy-wa-diddy" - that's kind of Crampsian.
L: It's not at all Crampsian.

Well, it's kinda garage-y, at least.
L: Yeah, OK.

So you never really find any affinity with those guys?
L: I found some affinity with the Cramps, sure.

What about this goth thing - would you not say, Exene, that Lydia - when I think your name, "Lydia Lunch"/"Lene Lovich", I kind of think a bit of goth. The Cramps got goth, too. I think a lot of New York bands got a goth following. What is goth, and have any goths been coming out to this Rude Hieroglyphics tour?
E: I don't know, I don't care.
L: Look, Nardo, goth has nothing to do with me. It's like saying, you know, everyone with black hair looks like Siouxsie and the Banshees. I mean, you gotta get with it, dude, you know, your categorising is just making no sense to me.

You know, like, there's people coming out to gigs, and you go, "Oh, there's the goths"
L: Who gives a shit what they look like? It's what they think about that's important. Look at you - I mean, if you came out to my gig, I'd say, "What is this, like, hockey fan doing at my fucking show, this guy Nardo, what is this all about? I mean, this guy is, like -"

Nardwuar the Human Serviette, Lydia Lunch.
L: "He is kind of as irritating as you said he would be." But, I mean, what does it matter what people look like, it's what they fucking think or do.

All I'm referring to is - you know "Down by Law", don't you?
E: You mean a movie called Down by Law?

No, that Dave Smalley guy, you know, straight-edge - "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't -"
L: I don't give a shit.

Well, he says - I heard through an insider, an industry insider, that Dave Smalley, he really does still drink, even though he's supposed to be straight-edge, but he still, you know, tries to maintain the image to do it for the kids. I mean - are you doing it for the goths?
E:You're so funny. You're so silly. You know what-

No, we're not finished, we're not finished, a few more questions.
E :We don't know who that is. We don't know who that is, and we don't care. Because we don't know who it is.
Lydia Lunch - have you ever met Anton LeVay at all?
L: No, I have no interest in him.

Did he influence the tune "Black JuJu" on Shotgun Wedding, where you yell "Hail, Satan"?
L: No, he didn't. Alice Cooper wrote the song "Black JuJu" and it was a tribute to him. And also, "Hail Satan" - ha ha ha ha ha - please.

After working with, like, Richard Kern in his wild movies - what's the deal on that good-looking guy, that, like D. Wojernick guy?
L: I don't know who you're speaking about.

He's in the movie Stray Dogs. I really love the way he looks. Where is that guy right now?
L: He's probably dead, since I have no idea who you're fucking talking about.

In those Richard Kearn movies, one of the Richard Kearn movies.
L: There's a hundred people in the Richard Kearn movies. Get your facts straight.

OK, how 'bout the - do you like the knife - what is that knife that Richard Kearn uses - I love it - you just squeeze it and the blood comes out.
L: [Rather acerbicly] That's right, it's a blood knife.

I love the way it's the same knife every time.
L: Well, that's right.

And how 'bout that pistol, you know - you came in close physical contact with a pistol. Was it cleaned when you came into close touching contact with the pistol?
L: Before or after?

Well, before, before you came in contact with it.
L: I don't think that was necessary. It was well greased and oiled and cleaned the way a good machine should be.

Right after these Richard Kern movies, you ended up collaborating with Billy ver Plank?
L: No, I think it was before that. You gotta get your history straight, buddy. Billy ver Plank, like, 1981.

Now, this guy's interesting. He's into Flintstone cartoon movies. You go from blood to Flintstones? What's his background, Lydia Lunch and Exene?
L: Well, he wrote all the music for The Flintstones and lots of cartoon music during the '50s, '60s, '70s.

It's kind of a contrast, isn't it, to go from Richard Kern to, you know, cartoons?
L: You got it backwards, buddy. I went from Teenage Jesus to The Flintstones soundtracks to Eight Eyed Spy to Richard Kearn, and many things in between, which obviously you don't have notes about, but that's OK, because I don't have time to sit here and document my entire life's history.

You did have a guy called Jack Ruby in your band.
L: Yeah.

And you live in New Orleans now.
L: No, I don't.

Well, you did live there at one time.
L: Yeah, I did, about four years ago.

And where do you live now?
L: That's none of your business.

OK. Um - Jack Ruby, New Orleans, and you like Castro, who just passed through Vancouver - that's very JFK.
L: [Dryly] Oh, it is. I'm waiting for Oliver Stone to make a movie of my life.

But, like, New Orleans - all the religion that's there. What do you think about that?
L: Well, I moved there for all the bullshit, the corruption, the hoodoo, the voodoo, the floral scents. I didn't know a person there and that's why I usually move.

What about Ed the Hillbilly Hick?
L: What about him?

Where is he now?
L: I have no idea.

Well, you did meet him there.
L: Yeah, I did.

And do you still have your pit bull?
L: No, I don't.

What happened to it?
L: I left it in New Orleans. When I move, I move.

Who is God?
L: I have no fucking idea.

You know, your routines - who is God?
E: That's not our routine.

I thought God is cock, Lydia Lunch.
L: God does not exist.

Is there anything good about religion? Is there one good thing? Like, I once knew these old Russian ladies, and they were dying, but they really, really liked religion, and they had something to look forward to. I mean, could it now be good for them, they're about to die and, like, they die in church, isn't there anything good about it?
L: That's what the problem is with religion, that it's an organised, corporate conspiracy to steal people's money by brainwashing them. What is good about religion is that it gives people something to concentrate, to focus on, to hope for, because their lives are so petty and insignificant that they just can't face the fact that when they die, it's over, and worms eat your fucking guts.

Do you think that A.l.D.S. is a form of biological warfare advanced by the C.l.A.?
L: That's one possibility.
E: Well, it's probable, isn't it? But maybe not the C.I.A. There's other organisations that deal with that more than the C.l.A. would.

Like who? Like, AIDS started in Japan at the end of the war?
E: No, it started in the United States, the World Organisation of Health [sic]
L: Who?
E: World Health Organisation, Centre for Disease Control or accidental laboratory experiment on animals, or ineptitude, or, you know
L: Look, I don't know why people are so upset about A.l.D.S. because, if we go back in history-

You think A.l.D.S. is hilarious, don't you?
L: No, I think it doesn't kill as many people as many other plagues that we've had historically. If we want to go back to the Middle Ages or even not as far back as the Middle Ages, I mean, the louse, my favourite animal, has personally been responsible for wiping out more men, and I do mean 'men', than bullets, bayonets or bombs. Because the louse spreads plagues, and there's been many plagues which have been far more devestating, more quickly disseminating, than A.l.D.S., and people are all in an uproar about A.l.D.S., and it's only because, in our immediate lifetime, we can't remember the bubonic plague, we can't remember the sweating plague, we can't remember the laughing or St Vidas Day dance, we can't remember these plagues which infiltrated Europe, wiping out people in 2 or 3 days.

You wrote a comic book about Dymphna, who's Dymphna?
L: Dymphna was a saint, considered saint of the sexually insane, because her father was a pagan king who, once the mother died, insisted the daughter become queen, she refused, ran off with a priest in Antwerp, near Belgium-Holland border, and her father tracked her down and beheaded her, because she would not, indeed, copulate.

That was a comic book that you put the words to, and somebody else illustrated, right?
L: Yes, he's also dead, Mike Matthews. I have another comic book coming out in the fall with Ted McKevers.

Is that on Fantagraphics?
L: It will be on D.C.Nertigo.

Hello, how are you doing?
L: I'm perfect.

Exene, how're you doing?
E: Oh, I'm perfect as well.

Why did you guys want Courtney Love's recipe for Prozac brownies?
L: Do you want me to kill him now or later?
E: We don't, we don't, we were just making a joke. On the record. A joke.

Cause you told Lisa Suckdog that you once faxed Courtney, or Courtney said that you once faxed her while she was on KROQ, and you were saying-
L: Look, this is how pathological Courtney is. I was living in New Orleans while she did that radio interview. I don't see how I could hear KROQin New Orleans and fax her at the time.

So you didn't fax Courtney Love saying "Stop trying to cop me"?
L: No, I haven't. Other people can do that for me. I have no desire to have any contact with her.

And she offered you money and you took it.
E: No, no - that's the problem with the technological age, this is the problem with the anonymous age of disinformation, is everyone-

This is the problem with RollerDerby, this is Lisa Suckdog's information. If you can't trust Lisa Suckdog, who can you trust?
E: You're not gonna let me say one fucking thing in this whole interview - is that all these anonymous people pretend to be other people, and it's like, it's the medium of the coward and the liar, is this stupid computer thing.
L: And that's why it's perfect for Courtney.

But this isn't the computer. I got that out of RollerDerby.
E: No, but that's how that stuff gets passed 'round. You said it was faxed. And you said, you know, that people called.
L: You're quoting these shitty magazines which don't have one iota of interest in the real truth, and it's all perverted through historical backlog, and people are so consumed with other priorities that what do these petty details mean anyway?

Who put David Byrne and R.E.M. on the cover of Time magazine?
E: What year?
No, who put them - who made those people, Lydia? Who are those people that you'd like to identify?
L: I don't give a shit.

You don't care about those people who put David Byrne and R.E.M. on the cover of Time magazine, you don't care about those people? Isn't that what you're out to do, you're out to destroy those people.
L: I don't care about Time magazine.

But you don't like those people that are out there, that magazine - those people are the root of all evil.
L: Don't you have time for yourself. You're so preoccupied with everybody else's past, where's your own past or history or future? I only have concerns about the world situation, and my part in it, that's all I'm concerned with, and at that point, I will close this interview.

Lydia, just a few more little quick questions here. Do you always win?
L: Of course.

You were pushed through a plate-glass window at one time.
L: Wrong.

No?
L: You really need to do your homework.

You said that in your speech! [Laughter from E & L]
L: And everything I say is completely factual.

OK, what about Nicole Simpson's breast implants - were they popped?
L: Ah, that's Exene's line.

OK.
E: Yeah.

Were they, Exene?
E: Mmm-hmm.

What's your take, Lydia Lunch, on Howard Stern's lesbian dial-a-date?
L: Come back with a token of reality under your belt and I'll speak to you then.

Exene, have you ever partied with Annie Sprinkle at all?
E: No I haven't.

Anything else you'd like to add to the listeners out there in the land?
L: Ur - do it yourself.

Why should people care about this Rude Hieroglyphics tour with Lydia Lunch?
L: You shouldn't. [laughter] I don't give a shit what they do. They should do like I do and do it them fucking selves and not believe second-hand information force fed to them by people who don't know what they're fucking talking about.

So do you have many Canadian friends?
L: My father was Canadian, and I don't consider him a friend, but he's dead, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Were you born in Canada?
L: No, I wasn't.

Your Dad was Canadian - this is amazing, Lydia Lunch!
L: Well, this is the first you've ever heard of it, and it's true.

Where was he from, though, in Canada?
L: Kitchener, Ontario- now, goodbye.

Any relatives we can hunt down?
L: No, they're all dead, I'm an orphan.

That's interesting, because Miriam Linna, you know, Miriam Linna, original drummer for the Cramps?
L: You better stop, because you're forcing me to violence now [she laughs].

Miriam Linna is Canadian, do you know her?
L: Yes, I do.

She's cool, eh? Wasn't that mean of them to kick her out?
L: Please, Nardo. You're out of line.

Well, keep on rocking in the free world. Doot Doola Doot Doo...
E: No I don't do that. I won't.