excerpts from a blur press conference featuring alex and damon february 2, 1996 sutton place hotel vancouver

nardwuar: may I ask you a question, damon of blur? you are damon of blur, right?
damon: go ahead

damon, do you like eggs?
d: um, well my mother in law says that men should only have 2 eggs a week. so I try to keep to that.
alex: I just had a cheese omelette as a matter of fact and apparently you should never eat cheese & eggs together.

you are alex of blur
a: alex from blur, yeah. it turned out the chicken was just the egg's idea for getting more eggs.

(various teacup noises in background)

actually there's a band in vancouver called the mcrackins all about eggs. but damon, your dad, did he not design the egg chair, like that famous egg chair?
d: he did.

what's the deal on that? what type of egg chair is that?
d: it was just a 60's...it's an icon isn't it, from the 60's. unfortunately he wasn't a very good businessman so he didn't patent it.

he did get enough money to live in a 14th century bakery. is that where you grew up in a 14th century bakery? that's very, a lot of egg themes here.
d:well my parents sold their house in london for 4,000 pounds in 1979 and bought a 14th century bakery in colchester for 7,000 pounds.

and your dad made an egg chair!
d: no that was a long time before that. that was the 60's. this is the beginning of the 80's, the evil thatcher years.

and he managed the soft machine...soft eggs!
d: yeah. he didn't manage them, he was a friend of theirs. he left art school and they were sort of doing the same sort of thing for a while, but as I say, management wasn't really his forte.

those are two great accomplishments. being involved with the soft machine and the egg chair. like before you were even born.
d: and being the father of me as well.

oh yes. actually into the next question here damon of blur. do you remember this quote at all? "the highest form of vanity is the love of fame"?
d: what...what's that?

damon of blur, "the highest form of vanity is the love of fame"? was it not uttered by this woman? (nardwuar holds up british newspaper clipping for damon's inspection) did you lose your virginity to this woman right there?
d: I did, yes. (assorted rumblings in the room) I was 15 at the time.

justine has said you don't have a sex drive, but this woman here, jane, says you have quite a sex drive damon
d: maybe I had more when I was younger

she also says you've developed a cockney accent which you didn't have then and......
d: do I have a cockney accent?

I don't know, i'd like to learn more about cockiness. and also the...
d: it's not actually related

and also you like to collect fossils
d: I did
a: i'm still partial to the odd fossil

do you remember this woman at all alex?
a: who, jane?

yeah, jane, the woman damon lost his virginity to
a:???

did you at one time want to shag barbara allen?
a: I saw her last night actually, funnily enough. she told me to stop being in blur and be a poet.

which leads to the question...
a: um, no I didn't try to shag her

you have a nice name damon. it's a nice name.
d: thank you

now backwards that spells...
d: I'm afraid can't take any credit for that

'nomad', nomad...you're like a wanderer. damon/nomad. can you please help me out with something. what happened to rick astley. where is he?
d: well he did well in america didn't he, with one single, it was a #1 here. well what he's done is, he's probably producing another album somewhere. a: probably lives in los angeles and goes to barbecues.
a: he was quite affable.

is he like bros?
d: no he was a lot better than bros.

have you ever partied with the guys from bros on a pop star night out at all?
a: they were just the epitome of the 80's, weren't they.
d: well the funny thing is there was the third member who was in the band for the first album who was paid off because the two twins didn't want him. and he's now head of A&R for EMI records.

who signed you?
d: no no no no no. was it craig?
a: craig logan. the rest of them, the other two just bought lots of watches and ferraris.

what happens to pop stars in britain when they get retired? I guess bros and rick astley they got retired. what happens to them? like what do you see in the future for you guys if you get retired?
a: it wasn't bros' idea that was the thing

is it 'bros' or 'bro'?
a: bros. they were always going to end up being victims because they didn't take themselves there. they were put into that position by shrewd management, you know, and they obviously are always going to be fucked up at the end of the day because they just spent all of their money on stupid toys. they were just puppets. they weren't going to change anything. they were just going to be the tomato sauce of life.

but is there a big hollowed out hill in britain somewhere where all the dead pop stars go? like where do they get retired to, i'm still curious. are you worried? what about you guys? where are they going to retire you to?
d: I don't know. what are you going to do?

well actually i'm still looking at your hair damon. how do you get your hair to do that kind of...like do you get a bit of gel and put it in and do that? 'Cause i've been having trouble with my hair and i'm kind of going bald a bit...(removes toque to show unruly head of hair)
d: first you get it cut

like looking at haircuts around the room here like that's pretty hot (pointing to one person) and I like that (pointing to another person) except I can't do that as a guy. it's too thin. how do you personally...
d: you've got fine hair

yeah, i've got a real problem. like i'm not cut out for the britpop thing, am I? could this hair be moulded into britpop at all damon?
d: umm...(confers with alex)...i don't know really. I think you've got your own thing going on there, haven't you.
a: it's a werzal...it's what we call a werzal
d: what are you wearing underneath there?

i've got kind of bad stuff. look check out these shoes.
d: I thought you had the whole suit (referring to nardwuar's royal vancouver yacht club crested jacket)

no, no I did not... I have the jeans, and look at these, no converse...what are you guys wearing for your footwear?

(damon clunks foot onto press conference table)

oh puma? what is that? adidas? all day I dream about...do you know that rumour?all day I dream about sex, sex all day in dad's apartment...you know the old adidas thing? what about your footwear alex?
a: all I did is shit.

(now alex clunks foot onto table)

wow! transatlantic communication. bledstow?
a: yeah. fuck off boots.

didn't you play at 86 street and like one of you guys was totally wasted, playing away there...
d: it was dave's birthday

and then, and then, do you remember like a guy getting hauled out...he was getting hauled out of the club and you guys proudly proclaimed in your british cockney accents, 'we're not gonna play another note until you bring that guy back in' and then the bouncer came up to you and whispered in your ear, I think, alex and you said 'oh, I think we're going to continue playing'. do you remember that incident?
d: all I remember is a speedboat journey. that's the only thing I remember about the whole day.
a: I bought a flute.

no puke in the speedboat adventure?
d: no, that was before we got drunk. then we got drunk. that tour we were drinking...i mean I was drunker than I get ever when i'm going out now and before we were on stage every night for 2 1/2 months.

you were really brave to stand up to this club and say 'hey, bring that guy back!', but then somebody whispered in your ear and you knew better. so does that say what happens when you're drunk?
d: I can't really, can't remember it but we were probably...we'd have been too drunk to care what anyone said to us. so I doubt it was anything he said that changed our mind.
shaun ryder.
d: I like shaun ryder.


jesus was a black man, jesus was batman, no batman was...
d: bruce wayne.

what about that lyric by that ryder guy? ugly! ugly!

local emi records representative: nardwuar can I get other people to ask questions here? I told you that before. sorry guys, you know what, this is for everyone, not just for nardwuar's questions.
d: he was looking for help for his hair.

can I ask one more question? um, who...alex & damon, this is a two part question kind of. who would you guys rather date...lady di, fergie, wallace simpson, or lady penelope?
a: i'm a starfucker, so lady di.

click here for pt. 2 with graham and dave.